Every girl wants to be a princess. Whether dressing up to look the part or organizing a Princess tea party with our stuffed animals. We think that being a Princess is the ultimate status to desire. Turns out...it isn't.
We all know the story of Cinderella. She lived with her evil stepmother and because she was a nice, people-pleaser, she allowed her stepsisters to talk to her any kinda way and be completely disrespectful, clearly belittling her and diminishing her self esteem.
If an impressionable child reads this story or watches this movie, they could logically think: "If I am nice, even to people who are mean to me, some prince will show up, make me a princess, and karma will handle those who once didn't value me.
Nice thought, but most women aren’t so lucky. We endure the "step-sisters", the "evil step-mothers", and the other "things" that are thrown at us and never receive the fairy-tale ending we desire. Cinderella should have told her stepsisters to not talk to her like that, got a day job, moved out of her stepmother's house, and created her own empire. That would have been the best revenge...not just marrying some rich guy, but building a sustainable empire and ruling her own domain as a QUEEN.
"You can either be a princess in her tower or a queen on your throne."
As women we face daily scenarios in which we decide what role we are going to play, Princess or Queen. Sometimes we are a "Princess in a tower" when a waitress gets our order wrong but we decide to just "deal with it", when we continue to blame others for our current situation in life and business, or we stay in our comfort zones and never go for our goals. Other times we are a "Queen on our throne" when we demand a raise from our boss, cut off a toxic relationship, or say "No" when we know our needs aren't being met.
Which you embody — Queen or Princess?
Nothing makes a Princess smile more than knowing people put her on a pedestal where her friends celebrate her every move without reciprocation. She needs others telling her how amazing or beautiful she is, and gets giddy from external validation; her world turns dark without it.
It’s all about me.
A Princess isn't concerned with how her actions or events affect others. She truly believes the world revolves around her. She is selfish in nature and shies away from commitment at all costs.
Grant me permission.
The Princess needs reassurance with everything she does. She doesn’t act with confidence and seeks validation even when she knows the right thing to do. You’ll see her asking her friends and family about important decisions before she even thinks for herself. And, if she doesn’t get the answer she wants to hear, she usually just sits around and blames others for her stagnant situation.
Lacks appreciation and gratitude.
The Princess can appear spoiled as she tends to focus on what she doesn’t have versus all that she’s been blessed with. She always wants more and is never satisfied. Yes, we all strive for more but a Princess does it with an entitled spirit.
The damsel in distress wants Prince Charming to come along and sweep her off her feet. Not in wildly romantic way she wants to be rescued — from her finances, her health, her career, and unrealistically the world. She believes that once she is swept off her feet her hard work ends there.
There’s Not Enough.
The Princess lives with a fear of her well running dry. She sees life through competition and comparison. Is she prettier/more successful/smarter/better than me is how she ranks herself among a scarce world.
I don’t want to look bad.
Because the Princess adores to be adored, she will avoid looking bad at all costs. She avoids any situation that could expand her growth but may involve failure. This holds her back on so many levels. She doesn’t take risks.
I want it now!
Because the Princess feels that the world revolves around her, she becomes irritable and demanding when she doesn't get her way when she wants it. She turns into a pouty, whiny, stubborn Princess that needs a reality check.
The Princess has a hard time saying no therefore she will overbook herself and not be able to fulfill all of her commitments. She lacks discernment as she bounces from one social group to the next.
I don’t need your permission.
A Queen doesn’t ask others if it’s okay. She doesn’t wait for the green light. She grants herself the permission to do what she wants and she needs no outside stimuli to feel worthy. She pours into herself daily. Self Love is a hella’va drug!
How may I serve?
The Queen understands that a life built on service and offering value. She knows that this is the key to an abundantly fulfilled life. She doesn’t live in lack or have a scarcity mindset, she’s not catty or competitive. She wants to see all thrive.
I know who I am.
Unlike the Princess, who’s always looking outside of her, the Queen looks within and knows who she is and what she values. She is able to make decisions in a timely manner and stands by it. These are the building blocks to her abundant world.
I’m blessed and I desire to create more.
The Queen adores her life and all that she has. She knows that she will be blessed with more if she appreciates what she has. She has desires and she’s not ashamed of them. She doesn’t desire more for fame or money, she desires more because she knows she’s powerful enough to create it.
I am the creator of my life experience.
Queen energy proclaims that she is in charge of her own life, and that her main role is to master Self and create a kingdom she is proud to share with her King. She knows that this will allow her King to find her when she is whole.
There’s More Than Enough.
A Queen believes there is enough abundance for everyone. She knows that true abundance starts from within. It’s not about her wardrobe or her material possessions; it’s about how she feels internally. Which radiates as powerful yet humble.
I don’t need you to like me.
Queens exude confidence and poise. Throughout history, Queens have been subjected to ridicule because of their beliefs - good or bad. When you stand for something, not everyone will agree. And, that’s okay to a Queen.
Failure is part of the process.
A Queen knows that creating a beautiful life requires risks and failure. However, because she doesn’t let that fear stop her, she reaps beautiful rewards. She doesn’t see it as a failure until she stops trying, and a Queen never stops trying.
I’m not always available.
A Queen manages her energy wisely. And, while she loves others, she knows she needs her own space and cannot be everything to everyone. She has a core of friends that is her support system.
Take the time to ask yourself when you're going through a tough time or making a decision, "Who am I being?" The Princess - victim to her consequences, the yes girl, the girl who needs rescuing or the Queen - who is accepting her consequences by using them as an opportunity to shine, who knows her value, who lives, breathes, exudes a Queenly essence.
Be the queen! Recognize your value. Recognize your worth. Once you do that, the rest will follow.
Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.
― Oprah Winfrey
Which energy do you believe you exude more?? Comment below, would love to hear from you!
If you want to learn more about the opposing energies of Princess and Queen, grab your copy of my newest book...
A Journey of Overcoming Emotional Trauma and Embracing your True Self.