Chapter 1: Claim
A Queen Knows What’s Hers
Princess Mindset: Validate me.
Nothing makes a Princess smile more than knowing people put her on a pedestal where her friends celebrate her every move without reciprocation. She needs others telling her how amazing or beautiful she is, and gets giddy from external validation; her world turns dark without it.
Queen Mindset: I don’t need your permission.
A Queen doesn’t ask others if it’s okay. She doesn’t wait for the green light. She grants herself the permission to do what she wants and she needs no outside stimuli to feel worthy. She pour into herself daily. Self Love is a hella’va drug!
As a little girl I absolutely loved recess. The freedom from my teacher's approval, the break from the mundane educational activities and the entire playground to do whatever I wanted to do! 5 minutes jumping rope, 5 minutes on the monkey bars, 3 times down the slide and 10 minutes climbing this gargantuan tree in the middle of the yard. I had it all planned out.
Picture me about 4 ft tall standing looking up at this massive tree with determination and hope. "Let's do this!" I whispered to myself. As I position myself on the base of the tree with one leg on the first ledge I could find and one arm stretched I grasped on a higher ledge for the perfect leverage. My determined mind broke from the task at hand and heard, "She'll never climb up that tree with those elephant legs". In my head I thought "That's a pretty rude statement and I’m so glad she isn’t talking to me because I am minding my business about to climb this…tree………………." Wait…I glanced up…"Yup! Definitely talking about me".
I was bullied during most of my educational years. Coke bottle glasses, gap in my two front teeth, large legs coupled with an overproduction of hair only granted me nicknames such as four eyes, ugly- duckling, and elephant legs amongst a variety of other colorful ones. Oh and not to mention, my natural affinity to helping others landed me the names of goodie two shoes and teacher's pet.
I should have literally worn a target on my back. Being bullied made me question my existence and made me desire to change my identity because the person who I was didn’t conform to what society deemed “worthy”. I asked my Mom for me to start wearing contacts, to shave my legs, to wear some colored lip gloss and to get braces...hoping that I would become the total opposite of who I was. Of course it was a big fat No! Without any hesitation or thought, riddling off justifications….‘You’re too young”...”Once you start shaving you have to keep it up”...”Do you have braces money!?!?!?”... I cried my eyes out because I truly thought that those were the only way I could ever fit in.
“Imagine what society would be like it everyone loved themselves so much that we aren't threatened by other people's opinions, skin colors, talents, education, possessions or lack thereof, religious beliefs, customs, or sexual preferences.….. Instead we just embrace our uniqueness-ness. Imagine if we all woke up every morning certain of our own important role on Earth and we aren't deterred from that.”
I’m not sure if you knew but having low self esteem as a kid is a different kind of hell. Not only are you on an emotional roller coaster because you are worried about fitting in and being liked but your body is going to constant changes; hormonal changes, growth changes, emotional changes. Confusion, hurt, anger, and rebellion is what those things turn into. Parents think you're acting out, you feel misunderstood and you feel like you’re literally in a world alone. You don’t know any better and no one taught you any better so will you create an entire reality around that. And that's just what I did, I turned rebellious and searched for love in all the wrong places, because I was running away from a painful reality. I didn't love myself, I didn't have positive self-esteem about myself. I compared myself to others, I desired to live up to other people's standards, I tried to hard to fit in society’s mold of being “normal”. I thought that everything I did and everything that I was was wrong.
So I went on a long journey trying to find someone who loves me unconditionally thinking that it was someone other than me. Now the thing is that when you start dating someone it will be in your best interest to love yourself first. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Or more importantly you have to love yourself before you’re going to get the love that you deserve. Think about it... if you truly love yourself you understand your worth and if someone isn't going to love you more than you love yourself then Chile! You can do bad all by yourself! You don’t need that type of stress in your life! It leads to unwanted facial lines and unexplained weight gain. Trust me. I went into relationships without loving myself because I was so hung up on someone loving me forever but in that I gave up my innocence, I gave up my freedom, I gave up my self-respect. At the time I knew none of this, but looking back on it...talk about about the unworthy pawns that had no business getting some of this!! LOL!
“It is power in knowing the difference between a Pawn and A King, lust and love, a F*ck boy and forever.”
Honestly, I am thankful that I experienced those things because without the downs...there are no ups. I appreciate everyone who has ever called me a name, everyone who lifted a hand at me, and anyone who directed anything negative towards me. For those people helped to mold me into the strong, unbothered person I am today and helped me to appreciate EVERY step of my journey. After all fools don’t rob empty vaults.
Have you ever wondered why children are so resilient and possess very little fears? Me too! Boy, they are totally honest even in the worst of times, They act first and ask questions later. They understand the value of self preservation (aka selfishness). But as we grow and learn from the people around us we tend to replace our innocent beliefs with negative false beliefs, such as fear, anger, jealousy, envy and self-doubt. As humans, we are born with two fears, fear of falling and fear of loud noises. So if fear, anger, jealousy, envy and self-doubt are learned behaviors, that means we spend our adult lives trying to unlearn everything we were taught. I’m not talking about the good habits..I’m talking about the negative beliefs that is passed down from the previous generations. Imagine if your younger self came to visit you in the present? Would they be happy with your decisions in life or would they call you a wuss for chickening out of all the dreams that were planned.
“We must reconnect with who we truly are and start investing into ourselves so we can live up to the dreams we had when we were younger.”
It’s almost like we were giving an infinite life sentence at birth, enough to carry out any and every dream we put our mind to. Instead of focusing on our hearts desire, we get distracted by the dreams OTHERS have for us, distracted by obstacles, distracted by your friends cousin baby momma who doesn’t even matter…. And just plain distracted by LIFE . The more time we spend on dreams that don’t belong to us and the things that come in our way, our life's time dwindles away and we look up shocked that we are 49, unfulfilled, unhappy, and lonely. We must connect with who we truly are and what is true for us. We have to start loving our authentic selves. Or we’ll never unlock our true abilities, our true desires and allow the universe to reward us for our obedience by reaching our true life potential
How do we do this??
Step 1: Is always Self Love = Be you, unapologetically.
Self Love, Self Esteem, Self Confidence. That inner Boss Babe, Diva, BadAss Unstoppable Queen that.is inside of you. You may not know she’s there but she is, waiting on you to make the first move.
Self-love is answer every time, not only it provides you with self-confidence to fulfill those outlandish, but not unattainable dreams. As well as gives you a sense of freedom to break down the barrier of self-doubt and make others think 1. Don’t mess with her and 2. “Dang who is that?” and “How do I become her?”
1. I think I can, I think I can
Mostly everyone knows the story of The Little Engine That Could. He was the young, shy and timid fictional train that was up against a feat that looked much more powerful than he was. But he didn’t waver, he starred his obstacles in his eyes and chanted “I think i can, I think I can”. He overcame the obstacle with tenacity and fervor. By him continuingly to pour positive words into his subconscious he was able to accomplish his goal like a beast!!
Drown yourself in affirmations. Trust me they work. Write out the most impactful affirmations and repeat them throughout your day...in traffic, under your breath while grocery shopping, while you are preparing dinner. Write them on post it notes and place them all around your house, office space, and car. LIVE, EAT, SLEEP your affirmations.
I am a magnet for divine abundance in all areas of life especially wealth, health, and happiness.
I am impeccable, intelligent, and worthy.
I am in incredible shape and I love my body.
They get your conscious mind and subconscious mind on the same page.
Try creating your own but be sure to make sure that each affirmation serves YOU. The more emotion you feel around your statements, the more power you will have to bring about positive change.
2. Pour into you!
Start doing the things you love...Think of your favorite hobby. When is the last time you were able to do it? If it was more than a month ago, stop reading this right now and schedule it! No seriously...I’ll wait……OK do you feel better? You should. You MUST make time for yourself. Even if it's taking a candle lit bubble bath after work…. You are your greatest asset so make sure you are taking care of yourself. If you don’t you will get burnt out so quickly… Trust me, I've been there done that and have the bags to prove it. Hard Work with no play, will have you looking back at your life wishing you took time to stop and actually ENJOY life.
If you are a person who usually puts others first ( I'm guilty), start putting yourself first. THIS IS AN ORDER! Think of a tea cup and a saucer. You have to pour into yourself (the teacup) enough for it to run over into the saucer (to others). Many times we are giving to others straight from the unfulfilled tea cup and we are surprised when we are bone dry. It's not being selfish…It's mandatory.
3. Don’t keep up with the Jones
Comparison is the fastest way to not reaching your goals. It’s none of your business what other people are doing. All that truly matters is if you are enjoying life and are happy with what you are creating. Your journey is YOURS, it’s unique to YOU, it makes you uniquely amazing. Love your story. You are waaaay more than enough. Let me say it again…..YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH! Sorry I had to yell but some of us just don’t get it. Can you imagine if some of the world’s greats compared themselves to others rather than embrace who they are? We would have a world without Oprah, Maya Angelou, and Michelle Obama. Avoid comparison at all costs!
A more useful way is to compare yourself to yourself. It’ s you vs. you. You are your own competition, so being better than you were the day before should be your only goal. Out do you, outrun yourself, make sure the past you is proud of the future you. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday and make a pledge to yourself! Take a look at how far you’ve come, what you have accomplished and how you have grown. Just imagine how much more peace, personal power and positivity you will experience.
Avoid comparison like the plague!
4. Nix the Negativity
We are all our own worst critics. We are hard on ourselves when we don’t achieve our goals, when we make mistakes, or when we embarrass ourselves. I use to be guilty of this, I ragged on myself harder than anyone I know. “Geez look at that cellulite”, “I am so clumsy”, “Oooh he’s cute, doubt he’ll like me though”. I couldn't expect to be confident if I was tearing myself down everyday with negative things. I had to change the things I was saying to myself.
What are you truly saying to yourself?
What do you think when...?:
When you look into a mirror?
When you put all your efforts into something and fail?
When you forget an important event?
When you let someone you care about down?
When you walk up to a group of good looking and successful people?
When you trip in front of a crowd?
When you put your pants on backwards because you are rushing? (This just happened to me! I could have easily yelled “Idiota!!” and changed..but I erupted into laughter and had a photoshoot! LOL)
Notice what goes through your mind...I’m sure it’s some horrible thoughts because I’ve been there. You must change this thinking into something positive. I’ve realized that what you tell yourself is more powerful than you know. Seemingly harmless criticism and jokes about yourself can turn into some pretty destructive beliefs.
“Our thoughts become words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our actions, our actions become our habits, and our habits become our realities.”
If you let your friend down and you start to think ‘I am a horrible friend” replace that with “What can I learn from this’. If every time you look in a mirror you point out your flaws first, start with “ Hello gorgeous!” or “Hello you sexy beast, you are rocking you today!”
We take shots at ourselves sometimes without knowing the impact. Try to eliminate all negative thoughts of self, make a conscious effort to replace them with positive, empowering thoughts.
Never be normal. It's overrated.
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