Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.
― Oprah Winfrey
Unleashing the Queen Within: A Journey of Overcoming, Embracing and Evolving
I've been bullied, beaten, broken, forgotten about, tossed aside. I've been talked about, spat on, lied to, underestimated. I've had thoughts that the world would be much better without me, felt like I wouldn't be missed, even attempted to end it all. I've chosen the thug over the good guy thinking 'why would he want me'. I've searched for love in all the wrong places using my most precious parts. I've fallen into depression, ate myself sick and questioned my existence numerous times. I've blocked out my friends because I didn't want to be a burden, said "fine" instead of "help me", labeled myself inadequately unworthy, failed, failed some more and failed again.
I've hit rock bottom and survived to tell the story.
I am not my past, I am not what others define me as and I damn sho' aren't my mistakes. I am more than my circumstances, more than what meets the eye, simply MORE THAN ENOUGH. So many women think that their past is what defines them...we couldn't be more wrong. Our past PREPARES us to fulfill our purpose.
The problem is that school and most life education courses only address the worldly side of things and neglect the emotional and mental aspects of life that we need along the journey...Especially as Black women! We've been told over and over - in both direct and indirect ways - that we are not good enough.
That's why I've created CROWNED. To help women and girls understand that YES you are enough, YES it is okay to be unapologetically YOU, YES you can have everything they said you couldn't, and YES you do have a purpose that is bigger than you. You just literally have to quit the negative self-talk, stop caring about what others think, and quit allowing people (yes, your family and friends) to talk you out of your dreams. In Crowned I share with you my journey of BELIEVING, EVOLVING, and BEING a QUEEN,
As a young girl , I always use to dress up as a Princess. Cute dress, fancy shoes, white gloves complete with a sparkling tiara. I would walk around the house ordering my brothers to follow all my commands and wait on me hand and foot, thinking that those were the only tasks that a Princess was charged with.
Even without my fancy outfit and uncooperative minions, I would walk around as if I was a princess in school, grocery stores, the library. Simply put, I had a princess mentality which stayed with me, honestly, until a couple years ago. Just because you age in years doesn’t necessarily mean you mature.
I had to catch myself. I had to understand that one day a Princess has to graduate to be Queen. Which isn't a natural progression, it starts with taking a good look in the mirror and loving what you see, it's owning that thing that makes you special and understanding what it takes to move as a Queen.
Learning to be the Queen of my life has been consistent HARD WORK. I’ve had to let go of reactivity and victimhood and embrace patience and abundant confidence.
Even now, I can go into being a princess in a moment — that part of me that complains, whines, wants everyone to like me, needs permission. Regardless of what women portray on social media or elsewhere, I think there’s an inner princess in all of us. However, I know that if I stay in this place, I will create so much drama and chaos in my life that I make the Kardashians seem amateur.
So, I take off the tiara and put on the crown, over and over again, every day until it become effortless.
Save me. The damsel in distress wants Prince Charming to come along and sweep her off her feet feet. She wants to be rescued — from her finances, health, career, the world.
Grant me permission. The Princess needs permission before she does what she wants. And, if she doesn’t get it, she usually just sits around and blames others.
Validate me. Nothing makes a Princess smile more than others telling her how amazing she is. She needs her husband to tell her that she’s beautiful, her family to put her on a pedestal and her friends to celebrate her every move. She gets giddy from external validation; her world turns dark without it.
It’s all about me. She’s not concerned with how events affect others. For a princess, the world revolves around her.
There’s Not Enough. The Princess lives with a fear of her well running dry. She sees life through competition and comparison. Is she prettier/more successful/smarter/better than me is how she ranks herself among a scarce world.
Lacks Appreciation and Gratitude. The Princess can appear spoiled, because she tends to focus on what she doesn’t have versus all that she’s been blessed with.
I don’t want to look bad. Because the Princess adores to be adored, she will avoid (at all costs) looking bad. This holds her back on so many levels. She doesn’t take risks. She avoids any situation that could expand her growth but might involve failure.
I want it now. Because the Princess feels that the world revolves around her she becomes irritable and demanding when she doesn't get her way when she wants it. She turn into a a pouty, whiny, stubborn Princess that needs a reality check.
Social Butterfly. The Princess has a hard time saying no therefore she will overbook herself and not be able to fulfill all of her commitments. She lacks discernment s she bounces from one social group to the next.
I’m the Creator of my Experience. Queen energy proclaims that you are in charge of your life, and that your main role is to master yourself and create a kingdom that you’re proud of.
I know who I am. Unlike the Princess, who’s always looking outside of her, the Queen looks within and knows who she is and what she values. These are the building blocks to her world.
How may I serve? The Queen understands that a life built on service and offering value is the key to a well-lived life. And, because she doesn’t live in lack, she’s not catty or competitive. She wants to see all thrive.
I don’t need your permission. A Queen doesn’t ask others if it’s okay. She doesn’t wait for the green light. She grants herself the permission to do what she wants.
Elegance. A Queen knows that true elegance starts from within. It’s not about her wardrobe or her heritage; it’s about how she feels internally. And, that feeling radiates as powerful and humble.
I’m not always available. A Queen manages her energy wisely. And, while she loves others, she knows she needs her own space and cannot be everything to everyone.
I’m blessed and I want to create more. The Queen adores her life and all that she has, but she also loves the act of creating. She has desires, and she’s not ashamed of them. She doesn’t desire more to feel a hole; she desires more because she knows she’s powerful enough to create it.
Failure is part of the process. A Queen knows that creating a beautiful life requires risks and failure. However, because she doesn’t let that fear stop her, she reaps beautiful rewards. Plus, she doesn’t see it as a failure until she stops trying, and a Queen never stops trying.
I don’t need you to like me. Throughout history, Queens have been subjected to ridicule because of their beliefs (good or bad). When you stand for something, not everyone will agree. And, that’s okay if you’re a Queen.
So, which are you?
You may feel like you have both energies. Then the question becomes: which is leading your life?
To become a Queen, You must give up playing Princess.
Take A Peek Inside...
9 Banish - A Queen knows the place of a pawn.
8 Keep - A Queen doesn't do clutter.
7 Claim - A Queen knows what is hers.
6 Communicate - A Queen knows the art of language.
5 Praise - A Queen will give credit where it's due.
4 Build - A Queen knows a strong foundation is essential.
3 Set - A Queen knows how to be proactive vs reactive.
2 Learn - A Queen knows there is no replacement for education.
1 Place - A Queen knows the value of assignment.
Bonus Chapter : Pass - A Queen Knows the importance of others.
So, which are you?
If you want to stop channeling your inner Princess and finally step into the Queen that you were always meant to be, this book is for you. After reading it you will know the 9 steps to gaining complete freedom from your old ways and stepping into the Crowned Life.
A Queen also commits to more love, less fear.
The result? Life loves her back.